A few months ago, I felt that I was brave enough to create something totally experimental and publish it under my new imprint and not care about what people said. Then this week, I’ve gone back to feeling fearful and anxious – probably because someone I care about was in hospital and it sent me spinning backwards through the years to a time when I’d lost someone dear to me. The situation, plus a change in the weather to wet and stormy, made me feel like a hermit crab without its shell. I was writing, but the words weren’t flowing like before. I ached with tiredness and none of my projects were progressing.
Yesterday I took a day out. I relaxed in nature, watched clouds and birds, smelled lavender and roses. I created a success collage for my future projects from pictures and words torn from old magazines. I spent the morning exploring images and creating my vision board. I drank coffee and ate chocolate cake while I looked at my creations. I could see a pathway to the future and enthusiastically scribbled notes about my way forward. I knew what success would look, taste and sound like. I had my road map for the future.
Tomorrow I will take the first baby steps forward. I will stop beating myself up about getting things right. I will allow myself to write badly – to make a complete mess with gel pens and glue and glitter. I will play for as long as I like. My courage will return like a moonbeam and shine its light on any dark places. Fear will be a thing of the past and I will feel strong again. My vision board is on the back of my workroom door. I will run a workshop soon and encourage others to make one too so that they will be able to access the lives that they deserve.
By Sue Johnson.
Sue Johnson is a poet, short story writer and novelist. Her other interests include reading, walking and yoga. Sue is a Writing Magazine Creative Writing Tutor and also runs her own brand of writing workshops. Further details of her work can be found at The Writer’s Toolkit.